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oh to be like nacho and have a brain the size of a walnut, fresh snuggies to drool on, and an everwagging tail…

i spent the majority of my adult life without a tv. which meant that i spent a lot of time online. i missed having a tv during college basketball season and that’s it.

in the past couple years, the situation has changed, definitely for the better, and now there is a big screen tv in the family room and i spend a couple hours every night in front of it.

i thought it was supposed to be relaxing and turn people into unthinking zoned-out zombies. instead i often find myself anxious and yelling at the screen and hating humanity.

i love the show pawn stars. i love the real emotion and hope and validation non-actors get in selling their treasures.

i love watching sports on tv. i hate the announcers. we turn on woody durham on the radio and sync it to the tv during carolina basketball. i learn so much more about the teams that way – radio announcers kick ass. tv announcers blow hard.

last night for example the following shows stressed me out:

cash cab – while i love the true emotion of non-actors (again) i am anxious while watching it imagining if i’d been in the cab and didn’t know the answers

millionaire matchmaker – the plastic surgery and shallowness was overwhelming. completely. and the loneliness. egos. delusions. uggghhh.

even the golf channel, which you would think would lull a person to peaceful rest, had a show about how donald trump strong-armed his way into polluting the northeast coast of scotland with his ‘biggest’ and ‘best’ and ‘most lavish’ golf course that he’s building in the dunes there. he is an ass. if he wanted to appreciate the dunes and let people enjoy walking through them, he could’ve created a park instead of a multi-million dollar exclusive golf course in the beautiful fragile ecosystem. now if you want to walk in those dunes you’ll have to pay exorbitant greens fees. and half your month’s salary to stay at the fake garish castle he’s renovating. america, fuck yeah!

so i guess i should just stick with pawn stars, house hunters, and unc basketball with the volume off.